Author Topic: Want to play a game, but have no time?  (Read 1202 times)

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Offline Hades ☠

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Want to play a game, but have no time?
« on: August 05, 2010, 04:56:48 AM »
I HAVE THE ANSWER!

It's called /LetsPlay/ - basically someone plays through the game, posting the plot and events as they go, and you get to read/watch it and never have to play it. Often they add pithy commentary, making it even MORE fun than playing it solo!

http://lparchive.org/LetsPlay/

Having played Final Fantasy 7 and loving it, I heard about an 'action' game set in the 'world' of FF7 called Dirge of Cerberus. Not wanting to buy a PS2 just for this crap, I look to LetsPlay. And yep, the game sucks, and yep it was worth the read.

http://lparchive.org/LetsPlay/Dirge%20of%20Cerberus/index.html

Excerpts:


I liked Final Fantasy VII…will I like this?

No. No, you will not. I wasn’t joking with the title of the thread. It’s set in Final Fantasy VII’s world. It has Final Fantasy VII’s characters. But it has fuck all to do with much anything that happened in it. It’s basically a new plot forcefully built atop the original game. Very forcefully. With a jackhammer.

Zack? The Turks? Nibelheim? I liked Final Fantasy 7 but I was also about fourteen the last time I played it. My memory is a bit fuzzy. Who the hell were those guys?

No worries, it’s been a good seven years since I played it too. Unfortunately, Dirge of Cerberus assumes you played the game last week, watched Advent Children yesterday, did some supplemental reading, and committed everything to memory.

So, is the game fun, at least?
No. No it is not. It is poorly paced, has barebones gunplay, the controls are awkward, there are lukewarm RPG elements, and it’s riddled with cutscenes.

Comments made by the player during the game:
I think Reeve is the only likable character this game has. There’s no tortured, convoluted past. No driving force of hate, regret, or sorrow. No ridiculous super powers. He’s just a dapper middle-aged normal guy in a silly outfit. I’ll just ignore the slight schizophrenic tendency to masquerade as a Scottish cat.

....After enough snipers are taken down, a child appears. Since, if there's anything more I love than sniper towns, it's children. “I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking ‘why does this kid have stage advancing information’, am I right? The answer is: because they’re not even trying anymore. Follow me.”
And so we have, that’s right boys and girls, an escort mission!
Have I mentioned I hate this game, lately? No? Well, I hate this game.
Along the way, he is attacked by everything from enemy soldiers.... To gimps… To even snipers. Each and every time you save his ass, he stops, bows, and mutters the same ‘Thanks’ soundbite. Every. Fucking. Time. That’s about eight instances of it in the span of the five minute section.
The kid eventually leads us to a building at the end of the catwalk, which leads to a slightly more powerful DG Soldier (Read: I had to shoot him three times instead of two). The cardkey pops out of his bullet riddled corpse. The real kicker is the pair just waltz through the front door of the building afterwards. The door was not locked. That whole section was, quite literally, pointless. 
....Alright, then. The child has vanished. Presumably he was immediately gun down in some back alley or dragged away by gimp hounds. In either case, Vincent couldn't give less of a shit. And that's just fine with me.
I used to think piracy was bad, because I first heard about it by people who didn't understand it. I understand piracy now. Piracy is good.

Offline The Pamasaurus

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Re: Want to play a game, but have no time?
« Reply #1 on: August 05, 2010, 05:44:04 AM »
Ugh. I'm not sure this site is for me.

If I have time to read about/watch someone play a game then I probably have time to play the game myself. And in my entire life there's never been anything more boring than watching someone else play a video game.

Offline Hades ☠

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Re: Want to play a game, but have no time?
« Reply #2 on: August 06, 2010, 16:12:48 PM »
Okay, imagine playing a game, but you're looking at screencaps, so getting the whole game in like 5-10 minutes. Want to play XXXXXXGY #2, but haven't played the original? This is for you, they can bring you up to speed on XXXXXXGY in MINUTES.
I used to think piracy was bad, because I first heard about it by people who didn't understand it. I understand piracy now. Piracy is good.

Offline The Pamasaurus

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Re: Want to play a game, but have no time?
« Reply #3 on: August 07, 2010, 01:21:49 AM »
Want to play XXXXXXGY #2, but haven't played the original? This is for you, they can bring you up to speed on XXXXXXGY in MINUTES.

That scenario does make sense.

Offline Hades ☠

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Re: Want to play a game, but have no time?
« Reply #4 on: August 08, 2010, 05:49:44 AM »
I enjoy the playthroughs of terrible games
I used to think piracy was bad, because I first heard about it by people who didn't understand it. I understand piracy now. Piracy is good.

Offline daddy

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Re: Want to play a game, but have no time?
« Reply #5 on: August 09, 2010, 12:26:24 PM »
Oh god.  Dirge of Cerberus.  :(   Don't remind me.
Feeling obnoxious, might delete later.

Offline Hades ☠

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Re: Want to play a game, but have no time?
« Reply #6 on: August 12, 2010, 17:17:47 PM »
Yep, thank god I missed THAT missile. But I did pay to see Spirits Within in the theater, so.... yeah.
I used to think piracy was bad, because I first heard about it by people who didn't understand it. I understand piracy now. Piracy is good.

Offline taintedpurity33

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Re: Want to play a game, but have no time?
« Reply #7 on: October 14, 2010, 09:33:10 AM »
But I did pay to see Spirits Within in the theater, so.... yeah.

hahahahahahaha!  By the Gods that's fuggin' funny.
“I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it.” - Alice

Offline Hades ☠

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Re: Want to play a game, but have no time?
« Reply #8 on: October 14, 2010, 11:24:08 AM »
Anderson Humpreys made me do it.
I used to think piracy was bad, because I first heard about it by people who didn't understand it. I understand piracy now. Piracy is good.

Offline daddy

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Re: Want to play a game, but have no time?
« Reply #9 on: October 14, 2010, 11:28:03 AM »
Only to teach you a lesson about perceived quality. 
Feeling obnoxious, might delete later.

Offline Hades ☠

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Re: Want to play a game, but have no time?
« Reply #10 on: October 14, 2010, 11:48:04 AM »
Only HE could see at the time that advertising was a big "FAT" waste of money, despite the fact advertising alone (and the FF hype) brought enough people in to garner $85 million in revenue. Nice, Humpreys.
I used to think piracy was bad, because I first heard about it by people who didn't understand it. I understand piracy now. Piracy is good.