Super Mega Sonic Superman Blagging Extravaganza: Now On Internets

[MommaSquid]

MommaSquid, I'd like you to meet my meat.

You're a bit far away for that, aren't you?   

I'll be there next year

 

[spider]

lol, that's the "oh shit nowhere to run" smiley

[Superman]

My friend just sent me a text:

Him: Lol chewing WHAT?


Me: What the hell else are you supposed to do while killing time in court?

Him: No cum chewing = No fun!!!

Me: I'm glad we're always on the same page.

Him: I mean fuck!  Do we live in France or something?!?!

Me: So what are you doing in court?

Him:  Because we live in France or something!!!

[lanky]

I love your friend

[Pam]

If you can't smoke then you certainly can't chew cum.

[lanky]

If you can't smoke then you certainly can't chew cum.

Agreed, there is a certain amount of smoking required before chewing of cum is possible. Isn't that right Spider?

[Hades]

Zing!

Also: Smoking comes after sex. Do we still smoke after blowjobs?

[lankdog]

Zing!

Also: Smoking comes after sex. Do we still smoke after blowjobs?

If you are in a gay relationship, you can just keep smoking!

[Hades]

^THIS

[Superman]

Ha!

[Superman]

Oh god.  My plans for Saturday got rained out and I was really depressed.  Then my uncle from Wisconsin called me and told me I had to drive out because they were having a car launch.  I had no idea what that meant, but it sounded pretty awesome to me.  I was right.

[lankdog]

I love the bus. Magic School Bus for the win 

However I am slightly confused as to why people want to drive beat up shitboxes off an incline knowing full well what gravity's response will be.

[Pam]

That seems like something they ought to do here in the South. I've never heard of one of those happening, though, which is pretty sad because I would so be there. I've even been to stupid "Tuff-man" fighting events, hoping to see something awesome. I never do. 

[Superman]

However I am slightly confused as to why people want to drive beat up shitboxes off an incline knowing full well what gravity's response will be.

...because they know full well what gravity's response will be.

Here's some videos I finally found on YouTube.

This was the first one we saw.  They launched it right as we walked up.
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/VBA-eb9w6Bo" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/v/VBA-eb9w6Bo</a>

This was 100% the best one of the day that I didn't get any pictures of.
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/9pRGtRDeb_A" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/v/9pRGtRDeb_A</a>

Here's the camper from a much better angle.  You can really see the boat smashing through the back window.
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/Ou2grLdWp-I" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/v/Ou2grLdWp-I</a>

This is my uncle's old truck.
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/OmTdzFNk7tU" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/v/OmTdzFNk7tU</a>

...and the bus.
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/A40s9fGaBaU" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/v/A40s9fGaBaU</a>

[lankdog]

However I am slightly confused as to why people want to drive beat up shitboxes off an incline knowing full well what gravity's response will be.

...because they know full well what gravity's response will be.

Face + dashboard = 

[Superman]

There are no faces in those cars.

[lankdog]

There are no faces in those cars.

Then who was fone?
Er, I mean, run the concept by me again, I seem to have missed something.

[Superman]

Remote controlled.  If you watch the videos you can see the guys controlling it from the vehicle behind.

[lankdog]

Remote controlled.  If you watch the videos you can see the guys controlling it from the vehicle behind.

That would require SEEING the pictures, shit is blocked all over the place here (at work). I think I am more blocked than spider is 

[spider]

I found a natural herbal laxative that works well for that.

[Superman]

One more post on this.

Here's the news story.

And a great video.

[Superman]

Update.  The lady from my work married Johnny Surprise.  They are now Mr. and Mrs. Surprise.

[Pam]

Update.  The lady from my work married Johnny Surprise.  They are now Mr. and Mrs. Surprise.

Attempting to formulate a sexual joke, but failing.

[Superman]

Either Phazz or Dog attempted a joke about broken condoms.  I tried to explain how that didn't make sense as "Surprise" is his last name, but you can imagine how much that sunk in.

[lankdog]

Either Phazz or Dog attempted a joke about broken condoms.  I tried to explain how that didn't make sense as "Surprise" is his last name, but you can imagine how much that sunk in.

Wasn't me. But what WOULD be a surprise is if the lady turned out to be a boy, or a hermaphrodite (I have a video if you want proof that this stuff happens). This is assuming of course that they are religious and haven't had naughty sinful premarital sex.

SURPRISE PENIS!

[Superman]

Well, they're in their 30s, both divorced, and she has two kids. Two immaculate conceptions in one person doesn't seem completely impossible. Actually, a second wouldn't really be that surprising at all as it already happened once before.  

[spider]

hehehehe....   that is the best name in the world.  I'm really jealous that my name isn't Johnny Surprise.

[Hades]

No, but you had a surprise. I mean, I think between getting pregnant or bukake, unless someone is an AWESOME shot, I know what the masses would rather.

[Superman]

I have to work today because almost everyone else in my division took it off.  So it was supposed to be me and the receptionist for our devision, and the head admin guy and the Jewish lawyer from administration.  I declared it board game day.  Then it snowed a few inches last night and the receptionist didn't come in.  Laaame.  Slack off day at work isn't fun if the only other people here are clichéd old white guys.

[Superman]

Cider, you were right.  There are old people living below us.  Last night they called the cops on us because, "they heard banging."  No, they didn't, but they will now.

[laughingnome]

Cider, you were right.  There are old people living below us.  Last night they called the cops on us because, "they heard banging." 

They thought Buster had come over?

[spider]

See.  It all fits together now. 

I find swearing a lot keeps them at bay.

[laughingnome]

See.  It all fits together now. 

I find swearing a lot keeps them at bay.

So does napalm.

[Superman]

I'm watching the Academy Awards with my roommate and I found out Matthew Brodderick is married, which is strange because I always assumed he was gay.  Then I found out he's married to Sarah Jessica Parker.  Everything is normal again.

There Australia. I can gossip about dumb shit about stupid Hollywood celebrities too.  Can I be part of your club now?

[spider]

There Australia. I can gossip about dumb shit about stupid Hollywood celebrities too.  Can I be part of your club now?

Fuck you.

[Hades]

Cider, you were right.  There are old people living below us.  Last night they called the cops on us because, "they heard banging." 

They thought Buster had come over?

No, buster barks when he bangs. For added zeal, we leave the shock collar on....

[Superman]

No, buster barks when he bangs. For added zeal, we leave the shock collar on...  Superman.

Fixed.

[Hades]

Don't forget Dildocorn's blue horn

[spider]

That's it.  If I find that in one more thread, I'm changing my name and moving to Melbourne.

[Hades]

Pam really made me crap myself laughing, sorry. Hasn't happened from a thread in awhile.

Also, they have newspapers in Melborne. We could publish a HAVE YOU SEEN THIS D-CORN?

[Superman]

I took the day off today to help set up for my best friend's wedding.  I dropped him off and ran to work really quick to mail off some stuff that couldn't wait until Monday.  Then I went home to shower, change, and pack.  Then I headed out for the rehearsal dinner.  As I was exiting the freeway, some lady ran a red light just as I was crossing the intersection.  Luckily I saw her out of the corner of my eye and slammed on the breaks, so I didn't get t-boned at 40 and die.  Unfortunately, I still hit her passenger side totaling both cars.

I sat around for an hour with the cops filling out all that dumb shit.  I had been trying to call my friend to let him know what was going on, but his phone was dead.  Then the cop gave me a ride to some gas station up the road and I just kind of hung out for another hour and a half.  Finally my friend called me from his parents' house phone to find out where the hell I was and they sent some people out to get me.  Of course while I'm sitting there, the tow truck pulling my car pulls up in from of the gas station and just sits there for 20 minutes so I can stare at my totaled car.  So lame.

[pianoman]

First of all: I hope you're OK. You just avoided dying.
Second of all: bitch. Did she even realise she caused the accident?

How come the tow truck hung out there?

[Pam]

Oh shit dude. You didn't mention a trip to the hospital, so I assume you're ok. But still....

Glad you had your hawkeyes on.

[Superman]

I'm pretty sore this morning, but a little caffine, nicotine, and acetylsalicylic acid and I'll be fine.  I'm honorary family, so I have rides up to the wedding and back and forth from the hotel.  Monday will be more difficult, but I've biked to work before.

Second of all: bitch. Did she even realise she caused the accident?

The cop showed up right away and she was pretty dazed.  I didn't actually hear what she said, but she didn't seem to deny that she ran the light.

How come the tow truck hung out there?

Because sometimes after fate rapes you in the ass, she likes to just hang out in the kitchen and make herself some scrambled eggs.

[laughingnome]

Luckily I saw her out of the corner of my eye and slammed on the breaks, so I didn't get t-boned at 40 and die.

I read that and thought "Superman's not 40, is he?!" then realised I'm an idiot.

Glad you're okay man. Go-go peripheral vision.

[Hades]

Wow dude, crap, what a GREAT day you had.


So....... new car?

[lanky]

YAY Superman is still alive!

[Superman]

I was okay yesterday.  THIS morning I feel like I got hit by car.  There is nothing more awesome than getting absolutely obliterated with six of your closest friends at a Baptist wedding.  At around three we were hanging out in the after party room and I grabed my friends girlfriend and said, "Walk me back to my room and put me to bed.  I should not be out in public."  This is why I'm usually DD.

[pianoman]

So....... new car?

Looking on the bright side!

I grabed my friends girlfriend

Also a bright side.

[spider]

There's nothing like narrowly escaping death so that you can destroy your liver nonetheless.